


Broken

by Takada_Saiko



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 4B, Angst, Dark, F/M, Rumbelle - Freeform, Winter Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-02 11:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2810405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takada_Saiko/pseuds/Takada_Saiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumplestiltskin had always known his ending would not be a happy one, but he’d never expected it to be quite this painful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

Notes: So, this was a plot bunny that took hold and wouldn't let go. Robin4 pretty much demanded that I put it up online, so here we are. It assumes that the Sorcerer is the Author and picks up at the end of 4B, after the Queens of Darkness and Rumplestiltskin have attempted to find the Author and force him to rewrite their stories. I'm afraid that said plot bunny did not provide my brain with 4B on whole, but hey, it was Rumbelle I was going to deal with, so it all works out.

* * *

**Broken**

**Part One.**

They were unconscious, and in all his years as the Dark One, Rumplestiltskin had never come across so much _power_. It shook him down to the core as if it had found a way into his veins and surged through them to reach even the very tips of his fingers and toes. He stood and stared, the display magnificent, and perhaps he would have been in more awe if he didn't know that he was next. It simply left him terrified.

The Sorcerer moved forward and the power rolled off of him in waves. His apprentice had been nothing next to him and Rumplestiltskin found himself stumbling back, a wall of magic blocking his hasty retreat. On the other side stood Storybrooke's so-called heroes, watching everything unfold just as they had observed him in Zelena's cage. A creature that deserved everything he got and then more. They tolerated him for his knowledge, they allowed him to exist because he proved himself useful now and again, but he was not one of them. He never would be, even though he'd given is very life to save them all.

Villains don't get happy endings.

"This curse plagues your mind and body," the Sorcerer said as he strode for, hand reached out to the cowering Dark One. Not soul, though. He didn't mention soul. He likely thought that Rumplestiltskin no longer had one. "I can rid you of it."

"Tried that, dearie. Your dear _heroes_ got in the way."

"You would not have succeeded."

He didn't bother to explain why, and frankly Rumplestiltskin didn't care. All he cared about was his exit strategy. The one that he didn't have. There wasn't one because every time he reached for the future for a different path they showed one end: his own. "You're going to kill me," he breathed.

"You cannot live without your curse," the Sorcerer answered simply and laid his hand flat against Rumplestiltskin's chest.

Pain surged through him and he felt like the sorcerer was trying to pull his bones out through his skin. Everything was on fire and he loosed a terrible cry that echoed throughout the room. Magic swirled all around them and as he felt himself fading - felt himself giving in - all he could think of was Bae. He would see Bae. That, if nothing else, would let him die in something akin to peace.

A loud tearing sound echoed through the chamber and Rumplestiltskin screamed with it. His curse was being pulled from him in a way he had never thought possible. This man was drawing in out through his pores, the darkness collecting into a ball in his now open palm and the curse's former host went limp, held up by the other's magic.

Rumplestiltskin could hear someone screaming - perhaps even more than one someone, he had no way to be sure - but as he finally gave into it, the thought of his son at the foremost of his mind, he felt the magic keeping him on his feet give and he crashed down to the floor, limbs utterly useless and sprawled. He could hear his own ragged breathing, though, and it took a moment for him to realize the world had not faded around him. He knew death. He knew what it felt like. This was not it.

Dark brown eyes blinked open and he saw the floor. His cheek was pressed against it, but with some effort he got his arms under him, gaining the Sorcerer's attention with the movement. The man's coal black eyes widened in surprise and his gaze flickered to the swirling darkness in his hand. "How is this possible? There should be nothing left. The Dark One's Curse should have consumed your soul."

"Not all of it," Rumplestiltskin managed as he struggled to sit up. He could feel all eyes turned on him, but getting to his feet to die with dignity seemed like a stretch for him in this state. Everything ached and he felt like the curse had tried to latch onto his insides to stay rooted in him. He felt sick and very, very tired. After three centuries as the Dark One, losing his son, and then finally losing the woman he loved, it was beyond time. When the Sorcerer made no move towards him he looked up. "Finish it."

"There is no reason to kill you," the Sorcerer answered as if he were some benevolent god reaching down to a mere man. "You are no longer a threat."

Rage boiled up in him and without warning magic lashed out from the former Dark One, searing the floor and leaving a trail of fire in its wake. It came on so suddenly and with such a burst of emotion that the Sorcerer was pushed back a few steps. With great strain, Rumplestiltskin stumbled to his feet, leaning heavily towards the left to stay off his bad ankle. "I have lost _everything_ ," he growled, his voice low and raw. "You will give me at least one thing for it. Send me to my son!"

The Sorcerer blinked at him. "I cannot."

"Oh don't go all high and mighty on me now," Rumplestiltskin raged, his magic - _his_ magic, not the curse's, which was strange within itself - kept him steady enough to take a staggering step forward.

"I can kill you, yes," the Sorcerer answered, "but it will not return you to your son. Your curse has been lifted from you. You would not be returned to that place."

His exhausted mind couldn't wrap itself around the words and his knees went weak, sending him tumbling back to the floor. A terrible sob escaped him and he curled into himself. Even in death he couldn't find his son. He had come back to Storybrooke in search of a way to rewrite his own fate, but now he was certain that it was too far out of his reach. There was no changing it, there was no loophole. Rumplestiltskin was little more than the dust that he lay in.

"Rumple?"

That sweet voice was only insult to injury. Where anger would have risen up within him before he felt only a shattering emptiness now. She was so damnably _good_ , this woman that had loved him, married him, and turned away. She was willing to help the cripple now. Wasn't she just so damnably good?

All he wanted to do was end it.

"Rumple, are you alright?" Belle asked softly and through his blurred vision he could see her heels moving closer to him. She knelt down, knees touching the floor and she bent over.

"Go away," he rasped. It was the best he had. Maybe if they all walked away now - they were good at that, leaving him alone - he could just drift until it ended.

_Killing you will not return you to your son._

Could he find no peace anywhere?

"Are you hurt?"

"What do you care?"

She didn't yell at him, nor did she say anything reassuring. Belle loosed a sigh and stood, murmuring softly somewhere a few steps away with her lot. He took the moment to pull himself painfully to his feet, summoning his old cane from his shop with jittery magic, and used it to steady himself. He didn't look back as his name was called, but stumbled out of the house.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Regina. Of course. He turned, knowing she wouldn't give until she was confronted, and a low growl came from him. "Home. Unless Miss Swan in there wishes to arrest me for something, though I've already paid a heavy price for making a go at the same thing you were."

She snorted. "You planning to walk all the way back into town?"

"Looks like my best option," he answered tightly.

"Will you at least talk to you wife before you walk yourself in front of whatever car you find driving down the road on the way?"

"I don't have anything to say."

"Well maybe she does."

"Grand."

His former student reached out and latched onto him. "Rumple, you don't know what she's been through…"

And that did it. He spun and the same powerful magic that had knocked the Sorcerer back inside lashed out at Regina. The former Evil Queen had only a moment to throw up a spell to block the majority of it and she skidded backwards, eyes wide. He didn't want to have the conversation about what anyone else had been through. They didn't care what he had been through. They were allowed to act on impulse on emotions that overwhelmed him, but he was required to reach for some unattainable goal if they were going to even tolerate him any longer. Well, he couldn't make it, and this little, terrible adventure had been proof. He just wanted to be alone. Entirely alone. That was the only way he was safe.

"Running won't help," she called after him.

"Nothing will," he snapped back, "so I don't see where you get to tell me which path to take. It all leads to the same place."

"What's that?"

He shook his head, unwilling to continue. Regina really had been with the Charming little group of heroes too long if she was worrying her pretty little head over him. Normally, she would have been the one to let him be in times like this, but instead she had acted as the distraction when the one person he really _didn't_ want to talk to stepped into his path.

Rumplestiltskin wouldn't hurt her, and they both knew it. He wouldn't lay a finger on the woman that he loved - still loved, despite it all - more than he'd ever loved any woman that had come through his life. She was his flicker of light that in his darkest moments had added hope to it, his True Love, and, he had thought, his salvation from the utter despair that tried to overtake him when Bae had died. She had been, at least for a little while, but it had ended as everything did with him: in disaster.

"I know you don't want to talk right now," she said softly and he sneered.

"What an apt observation."

He tried to move past her and she reached out, her fingers latching onto his coat. At least here he'd managed to look a bit more like himself. At least he had before he'd gone toe-to-toe with the Sorcerer. He wasn't nearly as ratty looking as he'd been when he'd finally made it to New York City after his banishment, but he certainly felt it. He didn't even have the quiet, dark voice of his curse whispering in his ear now. He was completely alone, and in that, he wanted the others to remember that that's what they'd bestowed on him. They hadn't cared to free him from the Wicked Witch, where he might have been able to find a way to save Baelfire _and_ defeat her, and they didn't care what he suffered after. They were too caught up - Belle included - in their own thoughts of good and bad, right and wrong, black and white. It was all a lie to make themselves feel better. They were heroes. They did no wrong.

His wife grimaced at his words. "Rumple," she spoke softly. "I just… want to make sure you're alright."

"Yes yes. Just fine. Does that appease your conscious?" he snarled, trying to break free. He wasn't as quick with his limp back, and his magic was too off-kilter to risk trying to wrap it in a brace and walk on it as he had since Neverland. If he did, he'd risk that brace snapping it and shattering the bones all over again.

"Please," she begged. "Just let me say something to you?"

"Why should I? I was never given a chance to explain. Instead you just booted me over the town line and left me for dead."

She blinked. He hardly ever used that tone with her anymore, not without a hasty apology tumbling from his lips immediately following. None came, though, and her lips twitched downward. "I hardly left you for dead."

"Really? No money, no way out. A cripple in the middle of the forest has a hell of a time getting even the two miles to a diner, did you know that?"

He saw the flash of hurt that streaked through her blue eyes, but it didn't make him feel better. "I knew you were clever enough to figure it out."

"I'm sure you did," he managed, unable to meet her gaze. "Rumplestiltskin is always so damn clever, isn't he? Well, I wasn't very clever here, was I? Is that what you want to hear, Belle? I failed at _everything_ I've ever tried to achieve. Now let go of me and let me suffer alone." He tore loose of her grasp and refused to look at her as he stormed away.

* * *

He had wanted to go home, but he realized about halfway into town that Belle would likely still be staying in the large, three story house they'd shared. He didn't want to see her again. He couldn't see her again. It just hurt too much.

Rumplestiltskin was leaning heavily on his cane by the time he reached the main street. The familiar stretch of asphalt would lead him to his shop and there he had every intention of locking himself away and not coming back out. The least that the Sorcerer - the Author - could have done was to take his life. It would have been one small act of mercy, he was sure, but perhaps heroes just didn't show mercy to villains. Well, at least not villains like him. They prefered him to remain alive, suffering, and useful. All he wanted - all he had _ever_ wanted before all the distractions hit - was to be with his son.

He hadn't expected there to be a car waiting outside of the shop, nor for the woman that sat in the driver's seat to be there. Regina stepped out into the cool night air. It had to be nearly morning now and she didn't look like she'd been home. It was too little too late, though, and he offered the best glare he could muster. "Go away."

"That seems to be your running mantra tonight," she answered. "Not happening."

His ankle chose that moment to give, folding up under him and sending him crashing to the street. It wasn't the first time it had done this since he's left the Sorcerer's house, but this time he didn't get back up. He sat there in a pile in the dust, emptiness threatening to overwhelm him.

Regina moved slowly towards him, hands outward to show she wasn't there to threaten, and sank to one knee in front of him. "Please go," he whispered.

"Those pleases haven't worked in a long time, Rumple," she said softly. "And right now, I'm the closest thing to a friend that you have. Let me help you?"

"Why?" He hated the way his voice broke on even a single word. He didn't want her help, but he didn't have the strength to say that now.

"Because I've been where you are. I know how it feels, and it hurts like hell." She paused and pulled in a deep breath. "Enough to make someone think that casting a curse that will make everyone else as miserable as you feel will somehow make things better."

A raw sounding chuckle escaped him. "You can tell Miss Swan and her parents I'm not going to level their little town."

"I don't think you could right now if you wanted to."

He should have been insulted, he knew. Centuries of perfected self-preservation skills wanted to assure her he was no less of a sorcerer without his curse, even if he wasn't sure what his new limitations were, but he couldn't bring himself to. He didn't care how weak it made him appear. He was weak. He'd failed in everything, just as he'd told Belle.

"Grandpa?"

Rumplestiltskin looked up at that voice and saw Henry just behind his mother. From the look on the boy's face he'd been dozing in the car while they waited, but had roused when he realized Regina had spotted him. Now he stood watching his crumpled grandfather with a worried expression and he covered the space between them after only the briefest of hesitation. "Mom said you came home," he said. "Are you okay?"

Regina had told him that he'd come back to Storybrooke, but he wondered if she'd mentioned how he'd gotten there. He'd needed the Queens of Darkness to help him break through the enchantment, to find the damn Author, but like everything else it had gone so wrong. Belle had told him once that he was a man that made wrong choices and it was true. Even when he had the best of intentions it always managed to come back and bite him eventually.

"Grandpa?"

"No Henry, I'm not," he managed.

Henry's expression grew more worried and Regina turned back to him "Were you going to sleep here?"

"Well, I wasn't going home, if that's what you're asking."

"Alright," she said and he didn't like her tone. She motioned to Henry and red smoke surrounded all three of them. He was redeposited on his feet, leaving him to find balance quickly if he didn't want to find himself face first against her polished floors.

Regina stood with a look that said she was tired and didn't want to be messed with. "There's a guest room on the ground floor you can use. Bathroom, clean towels, the works. Get some sleep, Rumple. You look like hell."

He blinked at her. "Why?" he asked again before he could stop himself.

"I already told you that. Henry, could you make sure he finds everything?"

The teen nodded and Rumplestiltskin found himself being led into a spare bedroom by his son's son. He didn't speak, but nodded his understanding whenever Henry showed him something new. He did manage a short thank you when he finished and somehow didn't cry when the boy wrapped his arms very suddenly around his middle. The former Dark One froze and his grandson tightened his grip just a little. "I'm sorry."

"For what, lad?" he managed to get past the sob building in his throat.

"Snooping."

Despite it all, Rumplestiltskin chuckled and managed to wrap an arm around Bae's son. "It's okay. I knew."

"I really did have a good time. You know, when I wasn't scrubbing the floors and stuff. You're not going to leave again, are you?"

"I don't know," his grandfather said honestly. He didn't want to stay, but there was nothing out there either. There was nothing in all the worlds for him anymore.

Henry released him and offered a strained smile. "I'll see you tomorrow though, right?"

Why Henry cared, he couldn't be sure, but there was something shining in his eyes that made him nod. "Of course," he whispered.

He left him alone then, murmuring his good night's and off to his old room up the stairs. Silence filled the void that was left and the bit of light that had somehow pierced through the inky darkness was again swallowed up in his absence and Rumplestiltskin sank to the bed that he'd been given and the sob that he'd been forcing down found its way up his throat. He curled up without bothering to pull the covers back at all and let himself sink.

* * *

"He's in really bad shape, isn't he?"

Regina looked up, toothbrush still stuffed into the back of her mouth, at the sound of her son's voice. Henry had always been perceptive. If he hadn't been, she was sure that he would have written her off as a villain that could never be helped and wouldn't have looked back ages ago. She hadn't hid anything from him about what had happened. He hadn't actually seen his grandfather since his return, but he'd worried for him, just as he'd worried for Belle, even though he'd assured the little bookworm in a very Henry-like fashion that True Love had to be fought for, even through mistakes. Even through betrayals on both ends.

The former Evil Queen rinsed the toothpaste out of her mouth. "No, he doesn't seem to be in a very good place, does he?"

"He's not fighting," Henry said thoughtfully. "Grandpa fights for what he wants, but it's like this just sucked it right out of him."

Regina knew he was right. She'd seen the dulled expression that had nothing to do with being separated from his curse as some of the others were likely to think at first. If that were all it was, he'd be angry. Rumplestiltskin would be fighting and raging and plotting on a way to get it back. Now, though, he had hit the end. She wasn't sure just what he thought he would gain by allying with Maleficent's little band, but it had failed. It wasn't as if she'd been able to convince the Author either, but at least he hadn't ripped her hope apart like he had her former mentor. Yes, Rumplestiltskin was usually a fighter, but there was a day when life either changed or the fight was driven out of you. She'd reached that point once, and the only reason she hadn't ended up a broken pile of shattered bones at the bottom of a castle tower was because a fairy had reached a hand out to her. She hadn't repaid Tink with any kindness, but all these years and so many, many hard lessons later, maybe she could help Rumple. Or at least keep him from killing himself.

"Can we help him?" Henry asked.

"If he'll let us," his mother answered honestly. "He's a stubborn man and he's lost a lot."

Her son nodded. "He just has to fight. Not... Not like with magic, you know. He has to want things to get better and believe that they can."

"You sound like your grandmother," Regina teased and Henry grinned.

"Learned it from her. Are you going to check on him before you go to bed?"

"I'll look in on him. Promise."

Regina kissed him goodnight and watched her adopted son head off to his room. He'd asked to stay the night when she had decided to go after Rumple, and she was glad he did, even if the sun would be up soon. Rumple would take Henry's worry better than he would hers. Henry was blood, after all, and Regina and he had their share of a vicious past.

Once she was certain that Henry was in bed and his lights had been out she slipped her robe around her shoulders and padded down the stairs to the guest room. The door was still open just a little and when she pushed it enough that she could slip inside she saw the bathroom light peeking out from behind another partially closed door. It shed just enough light on the room that she could see Rumple curled up on top of the bed, back to the door, and he didn't appear to have bothered to get comfortable. His shoes were still on, his coat pulled tight across his shoulders with the way his arms were stretched, and when she rounded the bed she found his dark eyes staring blankly at the far wall. He didn't focus on her, even as she took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Rumple?" she called quietly and for a moment he hardly looked like he was breathing.

He pushed out a long breath of air through his nose as if in response, though, and she relaxed a little. "Most people at least take off their coat and tie to sleep, you know."

He didn't say anything in response and she reached forward, touching his shoulder lightly. Rumplestiltskin jolted, as if coming out of a nightmare, and he blinked several times as his gaze fell to focus on her. She frowned. "Rumple? Can you hear me?"

"Yes. Of course," he answered roughly and she couldn't help but see how ill he looked even in the dim light. She could remember how awestruck she felt when she'd first met him and she would come by for lessons one day, be waved off for some project he was in the middle of, and come back a week later to find he hadn't appeared to move. He would fixate. While he could forget things like eating and sleeping as the Dark One in the Enchanted Forest, here in the Land Without Magic there were more dire consequences.

"How long has it been since you've eaten?"

"I'm not hungry."

"That's not what I asked," Regina huffed and she reached forward. His skin was warm, like a fever was trying to dig its claws into him. "What could this do to you? Having your curse forced out I mean."

He looked like he might continue to ignore her for a moment, but finally he drew in a long breath and loosed it as a sigh. "I don't know."

"You must have some idea. The Author seemed surprised that you survived it."

Rumplestiltskin had always loved flaunting his vast knowledge at any point possible, but now it seemed like a struggle for him to bother with the explanation. "Most Dark Ones give their entire souls to the curse. I had someone to hang on for."

"Neal," Regina murmured and he nodded. "And now? Could this still kill you?"

"If I'm lucky."

The words struck her and she frowned again. "I'm not going to let you die."

"Why the sudden attachment?"

She snorted and stood, rounding the bed and motioning for him to sit up. When he didn't, she started with tugging his shoes off. "Henry's worried about you," she told him frankly.

He tensed when she took hold of the shoe on his right foot and she eased her touch. "Sorry."

"Leave it," he hissed and tried to pull his leg away from her. She'd seen him limp about Storybrooke for thirty years, but she'd always thought it was something the curse had given him and that he'd been stuck with. The way he'd crumbled when he tried to put weight on it said differently, though, and she let him peel the shoe off himself. His movements were slow and sluggish, but once the show was gone he shrugged the coat off, pulled his tie from around his neck, and tossed both to the floor. "Now will you leave me alone and stop trying to mother me? Never thought I'd missed the days of you wishing me dead."

Regina shrugged. "I doubt I ever would have killed you directly. The threats were always nice, and if you happened to die along with everyone else, well that's just life." He didn't seem amused by the statement and merely curled up where he'd been before. He looked utterly miserable.

"Henry and I are going to Granny's in the morning. We'll bring you something back."

He didn't say anything as she started for the door, and she was fairly certain that he wouldn't want to eat then any more than he wanted to eat now. His curse being ripped from him shouldn't be killing him slowly, but she could see where the shock of the loss and a lack of a will to fight it could put him in a very dangerous place. If they didn't pull him back he might simply give into it and waste away. Regina couldn't make her former mentor want to live, but she could damn well make it difficult to die.

* * *

Henry had peaked in before they left for Granny's the next morning. His grandfather was curled up on the top of the blankets and looked to be shivering a little, so he'd gone to grab one of the quilts from the rack and covered him up as best as he could. He didn't wake or even stir, so his grandson left him there, whispering promises that he'd be back with breakfast shortly.

He'd never really thought that Mr Gold looked old as he was growing up. There was always something timeless about him and he'd assumed it was because he was surrounded by so many timeless bits and pieces in his shop. Now, of course, he knew that it was his curse keeping him young and mostly healthy. He looked so small curled up on that big bed, expensive suit twisted up and partially laid out on the floor. Henry hated to see him like that.

Everyone had been surprised when Belle had turned up with a dagger and no Dark One in tow. The rumour had spread quickly enough that she'd dragged him out to the town line in a furious state, but no one had thought she'd force him over it. She hadn't come out of their home for a week, and it had been Emma that had finally gone over there to talk with her. Together with Mary Margaret, they coaxed her to Granny's where she had sat and stared at one burger after another each day she came in. Archie had tried to help as best as he could, but just like Rumplestiltskin, their help could only go as far as Belle would let it. At least she wasn't wasting away alone.

Henry and Regina walked into Granny's and the teen spotted his step-grandmother sitting in a booth alone. He'd been half afraid that what he had heard of from the night before would have sent her straight back into self-imposed exile, but there she was in her same booth. She was staring at her pancakes - maybe _through_ her pancakes was closer - and didn't even seem to notice when Henry walked up. "Hey, Belle."

She startled, blinking at him with a round, sleep-deprived stare. She'd been crying again too. "Hey, Henry. How are you?"

"Okay, I guess. Mom got Grandpa to come home with us last night."

That seemed to catch her attention. "How's he doing?"

His lips twitched downward. "Not good."

"How so?"

"He's just really sad. And sick. Mom doesn't know if he just hasn't been taking care of himself or if it's because the Author took his curse away, or what, but we can't stay long." He paused just a couple of beats. "Do you want to come check on him?"

"I don't think he wants to talk to me."

Henry shrugged. "Doesn't mean you can't come see him. He doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, so it's not just you at least."

That pulled a small smile from her. "I suppose it really couldn't hurt, could it? It looks like your mom has her hands full. I'll just help you guys carry the food."

"Exactly," Henry answered. This was perfect. Belle wanted to see him. Grandpa really wanted to see her too, he just didn't know it. They could talk and work past whatever terrible things had happened between them and they'd love each other again. They were True Love, after all. They had to be together. If they could have a happy ending, if they could change their fate, then maybe Regina could too. He just wanted his family to be happy, and if he could do anything to make it so, Henry was all in.

* * *

Belle didn't know what had possessed her to agree. She shouldn't be rushing off to check on him. She came back every time and that's what encouraged him to continue pulling all of the absurdly stupid stunts that he pulled, but when Henry had told her that he was ill and wouldn't speak to anyone, all she could think of was the terrifyingly pained expression he'd worn as the Sorcerer had ripped the Dark One's Curse from him. It shouldn't have been possible to do, as far as she was aware, but it had been done, and now all she could think of was if she didn't go, she might never see him again. If anything happened to him, she couldn't live with herself.

Regina hadn't argued when her adopted son told her very clearly that Belle was going to help them take the food home. It was obvious that the two of them could handle it, but the former Evil Queen handed her a bag nevertheless. They'd put their own past behind them while Rumple was away, and Belle thought that she really had learned to try to be better than she had once been. She had let go of her True Love for his family's sake, and nothing could have been harder for her.

She was pretty sure she was making a mistake by the time they pulled into the driveway. Henry turned to her with that hope-filled expression that encouraged her to follow him, but her heart sank a little lower with every step. There had been so many lies. Their entire relationship had been based on them. He'd told her he was giving her his trust when he gave her the dagger. She had known it was one of his grand gestures - he did tend to love those - and had been surprised when he refused to take it back. She had tried and tried, and it would have been so simple for him to have accepted it back and told her the truth right then, but he hadn't. Just like he'd made her believe that he was willing to give the gauntlet up to save her from the Queens of Darkness all those years ago. Obviously he wasn't quite so opposed to them now. Maleficent, Cruella, and Ursula had been laid out easily by the Sorcerer, but there was no question that Rumple had been working with them towards…. whatever goal they'd been working towards. She still didn't know. They'd barely spoken since his return to Storybrooke, and he hadn't relayed his plan in between the few harsh words delivered.

She was simmering by the time she realized that Henry had stopped and the teen pushed the door open. "Grandpa? We have breakfast."

Rumplestiltskin lay curled under a quilt and looked very small where he was. He didn't move, didn't speak, and when Henry moved over so that he was in his line of sight he must have said something because his grandson frowned deeply. "If you won't eat, will you at least talk to Belle?"

Even from the doorway she could see his muscles tense and he sat up, looking a bit dizzy with the movement, and turned to look at her. She couldn't offer him a smile or really any expression at all. Every emotion she could feel seemed to be rushing through her. She was angry and she was hurt, she loved him and wanted to help him, she felt betrayed and lied to and so very, very helpless. All she'd wanted to do was to set him back on the right path, and she'd given herself up to do it. She should never have gone back when she told him she didn't want to see him again. She should have known that things would end this way. It would have made everything easier to have ended it then.

As he stared at her, those dark eyes of his filled with more hurt than a human being should be able to feel, she tried to remind herself that he had died to save her life. His son had been brutally murdered, and he'd been held captive by the woman who had killed him. She didn't know how to feel. Everything worked against each other, a conundrum of conflicting personality traits that made up the man that she had thought she loved. The man that she had married and given her life to.

_I will go with you. Forever._

His expression wasn't that of the golden eyed imp now. It was the same terrified look he'd given her when she backed him up to the line, the dagger clutched in her hand, and she had refused to listen to any of his pleas. He was going to lie, she had been sure of it at the time, but now she didn't know. Now it just ached. Maybe this was a mistake.

"Belle," he managed, his voice raspy and pained. He did look ill.

Henry left the food by the bed and walked around. He paused and leaned in to whisper directly into Belle's ear so that his grandfather couldn't hear him. "True Love's Kiss," was all he said and she did everything she could to bite off the mirthless chuckle. He was so young, so naive. It didn't matter how much they loved each other if they couldn't trust one another.

They were alone now and Belle still hadn't moved. Rumple hadn't either and they might have remained frozen like that for hours if she didn't force herself to do something. She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders just a little. "Rumple, I just wanted to-"

"Yes yes," he snapped. "I'm fine."

And just like that, the walls were up and he all but threw himself back down to the bed, his back to her, and she felt her temper flare. "You don't have to be such a child about it."

He snorted from his place, but didn't dignify her statement with a verbal response.

"Rumple, look at me. After everything, you owe me that."

"What do I owe you?" he growled, and when he got his arms under him to push himself up she tried not to focus on how badly they were shaking. "Please, Belle, tell me, because whatever it is you know I won't live up to it. I _tried_ to tell you. I warned you more times than I could count! I'm _not_ a good man. I am a monster. I am a beast. It's not my fault if the man you claimed to love is whatever fairytale prince you've tried to fashion me into in your own mind!"

The outburst left him heaving for breath and left her fuming. "Excuse me?" she growled, taking a firm step forward. "How dare you? I loved _you_ , Rumple. I tried to be there for _you_ , and all you know how to do is to push people away. You never let me in. You never _trusted_ me. If you could have just been honest-"

"You would have told me no! Dammit, Belle, I was doing it for us!"

"You were doing it for yourself or you would have come to me and we would have made the decision together!"

"I-" The argument was cut off by a deep, ragged cough that shook his thin frame and he doubled over.

Belle stood there for a moment, and the fact that she was wondering if it was an act to distract from the argument that needed to be had hurt worse than his words did. This was so much deeper than words. This was truth, and it was passed due. The coughing didn't stop though and after a moment he didn't seem to be able to catch a breath, so she stepped forward, worry overriding her anger. "Rumple?"

He shuddered as he slowly regained control, hands shaking as they came away from his mouth and he looked like he might be sick. She leaned over and grabbed a trashcan, but he waved it off. "It's passed," he managed, still gulping in air like he'd been drowning. It was several more moments before he looked up. "I _did_ give the gauntlet up," he whispered. "I went back for it after, but I had no choice at the time. Not if I wanted you to live."

She stared at him. "That was just one thing of many, Rumple," she whispered, her voice breaking.

"The dagger?"

"One thing of many," she repeated, "but probably the rawest wound we're dealing with right now."

He grimaced and tried to sit up a little more. "I was afraid."

"Of what? I never _wanted_ the damn thing."

"I was afraid you _would_ ," he snapped, that terrified expression returning, like he'd said something that would shatter his fragile little world.

She watched him double over again and this time she took a seat next to him, one hand reaching carefully out to him and her fingers stroked his hair in a soothing motion as he fought it off. He struggled to breathe for several long, painful moments. Finally she saw the tears that were beginning to slip down his cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut against them. "It was so much better in the cold and the dark. So much better dead."

Belle felt her heart clench at the words and took his hand. "Please don't say that."

"It's true. Bae was alive. You thought I was a hero. No one could control me." He was spiralling, she could hear it in his voice and he rocked forward again, a sob catching every other word and she knew that everything that had been fit so firmly behind his walls was breaking free. "Time would go on and you'd see what I was and you'd take it. You'd use it. Everyone tries. Everyone-"

She squeezed his fingers. "I wouldn't do that to you, Rumple."

"But you did."

Belle blinked, feeling a sob that had been staying obediently down in her chest bubble up. She had proven his paranoia correct not once, but twice. After what Zelena had done. He wasn't the only one at fault, she had known that, but seeing her own mistakes so blatantly plastered in front of her was painful.

"Loved," he whispered brokenly.

"What?"

"You said you loved me. Not that you do."

"Not all of us think every word through when we're upset," she murmured.

"But we often say what we mean when we don't." He looked up, their eyes meeting. "Words have meaning, Belle. They have-"

_Do the brave thing and bravery will follow._

She leaned forward, their lips touching and she silenced him with a kiss. It was short, but she could feel the spark that tied them together. It wasn't the only thing that tied them together, but it was what they had clung to when they should have been learning to trust each other above all else. He had never told her what happened when Zelena held him, he had never asked her to visit Bae's grave with him, and he had gone as far as to give her a fake dagger to make her think she had control over him. "I still love you, Rumple, but until we can trust each other, I don't know how we can be together."

* * *

TBC

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two.**

She had stayed with him, but he didn't know what to make of it. She sat there stroking his hair until he fell asleep, and when he woke again some hours later she was gone. If he'd hoped that the loneliness and the emptiness would subside at all after their conversation he was sorely disappointed. He was left with nothing but a memory of a little kindness and the guilt his curse had always quieted for him.

Rumplestiltskin wasn't sure how many days he spent at Regina's home. She came in and out, as did Henry. His grandson was more inclined to sit and try to get him to talk, but Regina was the one that managed to force him to eat now and again. Belle came several times more, but their visits were leaving him with less and less hope each time. The more they tried to talk, the more he became convinced that it was pointless.

"What is it about power that's so intoxicating, Rumple?" Belle asked in one of those visits. He'd just managed to come out of a coughing fit that had left him breathless and trembling. She hadn't moved to comfort him this time, but sat and waited it out. When he didn't answer right away, she shifted a little in her chair, clear blue eyes fixed on him. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I don't even know what started all of this. I've asked you to tell me about your life before I knew you, but it took you thinking I was dead and then walking away and nearly losing my memories for you to simply tell me Baelfire's name. You're always so… so closed off. I never have the full story."

"Everyone wants power," he rasped, trying to uncurl himself in the bed at least a little. He hated the way his muscles shook and even a short sentence threatened to send him spiraling again.

"That's not true. Surely you know that."

He snorted. Of course she wouldn't think so, but that was because Belle had power within her. She was strong and courageous. She didn't need an outside source to save those she loved. They both fought with everything they had for those they cared about, but the poor, cowardly spinner from the Frontlands had simply needed to be a little more creative than the lord's daughter. He had been nothing and because of that, Bae had been in danger. Not that all of the power in the worlds had saved him in the end.

Belle sighed and leaned forward. "Okay. Fine. Are we done for today then?"

Rumplestiltskin gave a small shrug. "I don't know what you expected."

"The truth, maybe? Perhaps something I overlooked? I don't know, Rumple." She was standing now, her temper rising and her hands thrown up in the air in frustration. "Maybe I'm just looking for a wall or two to come down and for you to tell me _why_ you love your precious power more than you love me. Again and again you choose it over me and I just don't...I don't understand why."

Tears were gathering in her eyes as she spoke and he felt his heart clench painfully. "I don't. I've always loved you more, Belle… Sometimes I don't know how to show it or how…. I needed the power to come to this world. To find Bae. I was wrong to throw you out when I did. I knew that the moment you were gone, but I couldn't risk it."

"And now?"

Now that Bae was dead. She didn't say it, but it was the truth. "I love you more," he repeated again, feeling his arms tremble as he pushed himself up from the bed. "I always-"

"Just stop," she snapped, and the tears were falling down her cheeks now. "Stop lying. The gauntlet led me to your love, remember?"

"No, it led you to my _weakness_ ," he snapped. "That dagger _is_ my weakness. It can control me, Belle, as you well know."

"You said that it showed a person's True Love."

"No, no, no," he growled, shaking his head and he felt the room spin even as he did. "That's _not_ what I said! As usual, you listened to half of it and discarded the other information because it didn't fit with what you'd come up with in your head. I said that _most_ people's weaknesses are their True Love." Not Belle, though. Belle was his strength. She had always been his strength. She was the reason that he had been able to do what no other Dark One could have ever dreamt of doing when the moment called for it: he had given his life for those he loved. The argument was swallowed up in a fit of coughs though and he buried himself down in the blankets and tried to regain control.

"You twist words, Rumple," she said softly, the hurt etched so deeply in her voice that it clawed at him. "And you still don't get it. After everything, you still don't understand."

"Enlighten me," he managed through gritted teeth.

"You used me to get to your end, like I was just anyone else. Just a fool to be manipulated and tossed away. You say you love me, Rumple, and in away I know that you do, but I don't think you understand _how_ to love. This, what you've done, that wasn't love. No matter what goal you were trying to reach."

There was a determination in her voice and something told him that if he didn't reach out to her then, he'd never get through to her. "I'm sorry," he whispered, the words leaving on a breath, but she had already started for the door. The door opened and closed and he tried to drag enough air into his lungs to be heard. "Belle, I'm sorry."

If she heard him, she didn't come back, and he fell hard back to the bed and curled into himself. He had known there was no saving this. There was no happy ending for him. He was a villain and she was a hero. He didn't deserve her. No apology would be enough because she would never believe that he loved her more.

* * *

He dreamt when he slept, and many of those dreams jerked him painfully awake at the end. Milah, Cora, and Belle. He'd never thought he would find her in the same category as the others, but there she stood in those dreams, levelling her judgements upon him. He would never match up to her expectations. He really needed to do them both a favour and remember that. He needed to let go. The more they fought, the less common ground they found, the longer it was between her visits.

"You never would have stood for me doing this," Regina grumbled one day and she jerked the curtains open, the sun bright and painful. "I've been nice, Rumple. _Really_ nice for me. Now it's time to get up."

He buried himself a little deeper under the blankets and tried to hang onto them even as the swirl of magic stole them away. His former student stood glaring, arms crossed, and nodded back towards the bathroom. "I'm done coddling you. Go take a shower. You're meeting Henry at Granny's for lunch."

Rumplestiltskin offered his best glare and Regina held up his cane for him to take. She wasn't giving him any options. "You told me to take my happy ending, Rumple. I did what I thought was right, and we'll see what comes of it, but you... You have yours staring you in the face. Get up and try."

"She doesn't-"

"Then why does she keep coming back?" Regina demanded with a huff. "You two need to find some common ground. She's not perfect and you'll never be her prince in shining armor. Great. Settled. Now stop moping and figure out what you're willing to give for this. But you really should know that the only way you're dying in my home is if I kill you myself."

She shoved his cane in his face and Rumplestiltskin managed to pull himself into a sitting position to take it. "Henry's waiting?" he asked softly and she gave a curt nod.

"Don't disappoint my son, Rumple, or so help me you won't have to waste away." She closed her eyes and looked like she was trying to reel her temper in. "He's your grandson and he's been worried over you. You haven't lost everything yet."

The last words were softer, but they managed to make their way past some of the pain he was wallowing in. They didn't inspire some great turn around, but they made him feel something. Bae's son had faith in him to show. It was a dangerous thing to put faith in a man that never could seem to make right choices, but the boy had always been an optimist. He couldn't let Bae's son down now. "I'll go," he managed.

"Yes, you will. Shower first, then Granny's."

She left him then and Rumplestiltskin managed to stand. His legs shook, trying to support him, and he leaned heavily on his cane as he limped towards the bathroom. Henry had brought a bag of his clothes over from his house at some point, and the bag set untouched on the sink.

The shower took longer than he expected, but when it was done he felt vaguely more human than he had before. He straightened his stance and reached tentatively for the magic that he knew he still possessed. Three hundred years of study had done something for him, at least, and while his powers might have been diminished, they came to his call. Magic swirled around him, drying him and replacing the towel around his waist with clothes that were surprisingly unwrinkled for where they'd been tucked away.

He looked in the mirror and thought he looked a bit more like himself. He was thinner, with dark circles under his eyes and a strange sort of emptiness to his brown eyes, but he was clean shaven and bathed. At least he could pretend for Henry. He owed his son's boy that much. He could do one thing right at least.

* * *

She had been doing a lot of thinking and what she hoped was honest self-assessment recently. The talks weren't helping, because every time she thought that she'd come to some sort of conclusion he did something infuriating and crawled back inside his shell like he expected her to strike him. They weren't getting anywhere with this, but she couldn't leave him to die either. Regina had told her very clearly that he'd refused to eat more than he'd been willing to and that he'd barely moved from the bed. Belle was at a loss. Finally, she had come to the conclusion that to get an honest, unbiased look at what was happening, she needed an outside opinion. Granted, there weren't many people in Storybrooke that knew how to give an unbiased opinion - Belle had never seen a group of people more ready to jump on a judgement bandwagon without a full set of facts - and that was how she found herself hesitating outside of Archie Hopper's office door, her knuckles poised to knock and she was desperately trying to convince herself to go through with it. They couldn't keep going back and forth and she couldn't bear to see him in so much pain. This needed to be settled.

The door opened before she had a chance to knock, though, and Archie blinked at her from behind his glasses. "Belle. Hello."

"Hi, Archie. Do you have a moment?"

A smile touched his lips and he nodded. "Of course. Come on in."

She followed him into the cozy office and Pongo perked from his pillow by Archie's desk, tail slapping the floor happily. He led her over to the couch and she took a seat, purse placed at her feet and back straight. She'd spoken to Archie hundreds of times before. There was no reason to be nervous now.

He must have seen it too though, because he leaned back, trying to put her at ease with his own posture. Belle pulled in a deep breath and her clear eyes focused on him. "I need to talk to someone and I trust your advice."

"I appreciate that, Belle," the psychiatrist answered and waited.

"I guess that means start, huh?" She tried for a laugh.

"Whenever you're ready. I don't have anywhere I need to be for a bit."

Rumple would hate that she was bringing someone into their issues, but she couldn't get him to be honest and she couldn't sort through what she trusted and what she didn't. Anyway, Archie had to keep this confidential. That much she knew. "It's about Rumple."

"I'd heard he made it back. He had his curse pulled from him too, didn't he?"

"He did, and it's made him very ill, but... He won't listen to me. I don't know how to get through to him, Archie, and I'm frightened for him."

The bespectacled man pursed his lips together thoughtfully. "We spoke not long after you...ended things with your husband," he said carefully. "You told me that you made it very clear that he had stepped over too many lines and that you were done."

There was that gentle honesty that she usually appreciated from Archie, but now it made Belle grimace. "I did, but I'm... Was I wrong?"

"To make a stand when he crossed the line?" he asked and waited for her to nod uncertainly. "No, I don't think you were, but I think you also know that it's not that simple."

"I love him," she whispered.

"All of him?"

"Of course," she answered far too quickly, but watched him watch her as she back-pedalled almost immediately. "I just want him to be better. _He_ wanted to be better." She paused. "At least he said he did. Do you think he was lying about that too?"

Archie seemed to think on that. That was one thing Belle admired about him. He didn't jump straight to judgment. "I don't. Rumplestiltskin is a very...complicated man from what I've seen. I think - and keep in mind, this is just from what I see from the outside. He's only come to me for advice once before - he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Though, all the pressure in the world couldn't break his curse here. I'm not saying he's not responsible for his actions, but this is a man whose soul has been crushed under darkness like most of us will never know. The fact that he's been capable of any good at all - much less what he did after everyone returned from Neverland - is an amazing achievement. You were aware of his limitations going into the relationship."

Belle found herself staring. Of course she knew on an intellectual level that her husband lived under a curse that weighed on his soul, but it was a fact that was fairly easy to ignore on a day to day basis. He looked human, he sounded human, and he acted human, but until just a couple of weeks before he had been the Dark One, and though Rumplestiltskin could be found if one looked hard enough, he had still been buried in that darkness.

"You forget that sometimes, don't you?" he asked softly.

Belle's lips twitched in a sad smile. "When we were in the Enchanted Forest, not too long before the curse, I kissed him and I caught just a glimpse of man beneath the monster he showed the world. His eyes were what stuck with me. They were...soft. They're the same ones that look back at me now. I guess... I guess it made it easier to think that since he wears a human face that his curse remained trapped at home."

"Zelena controlled him with his dagger, though," Archie pointed out. "If anything should have reminded you..."

"I said it was easier, not true," Belle answered sadly.

"And now that his curse has broken?"

"Now I think it's too late. We've hurt each other so much." Tears blurred her vision and she found herself gripping the cushion of the sofa like her life depended on it. "I can't trust him and... Well, Rumple doesn't trust anyone. Not even me."

"Perhaps he's just afraid of disappointing you."

"What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't tell you this, but he visited me before the curse broke. He knew who he was, but I didn't. He spoke about his son and you'd think that that boy had never done wrong. Everything was Gold's fault if you listened to him. He was... very distraught. If he picked up on the fact that your expectations were not _his_ best, but instead a best that he might achieve outside of his curse, he may have hid his shortcomings out of fear that he would lose you because of them. Even unjustified fears can overwhelm our better judgement."

_I'm afraid._

Belle shuddered at the memory. It had haunted her in the weeks after he had gone and it still burned her when she thought of it. It was like she'd proven him right when it came to his inability to trust. As if everyone that ever came through his life had cemented the idea that they would eventually betray him. She could have waited. She had the dagger. There was no need to force him over the line except for the pain that she had felt. It had been a decision made in the heat of the moment, and while she knew that he had made many, many wrong decisions in the time of their short marriage, the one that _she_ had made in the end was the one that she regretted in her most honest moments. Archie was right in saying that consequences of some kind were justified - likely even needed if he were ever going to choose to change - but she had abandoned him entirely. She had just been so certain if he weren't gone, if she had to see him every day around Storybrooke, that she would break down and give in. She would begin the cycle all over again. She still feared it, but at the same time she feared losing him forever. She had already lost him to death once. "Now what?" she whispered in a small voice.

"Now you have a choice to make. You have to find a place to meet in the middle, just as all couples do. You can't love an image in your mind. You have to love him. All of him. That doesn't mean you let walk over you, if he's meaning to or not, but in the same way you can't force him to do what you deem is right."

She nodded slowly, turning the words over in her mind as she thought. She had to talk to him about it. She had to know if he thought she had expectations he was afraid he couldn't reach, or worse, if she had put those on him without ever realizing she was doing it. If she asked, maybe, just maybe he'd tell her the truth.

"I hate to cut this short, but I'm meeting Marco and Pinocchio over at Granny's for lunch. Walk with me?"

Belle felt the first real smile she'd given all day cross her face. "Sure."

* * *

Rumplestiltskin felt sick. His shower earlier had woken him up some, but the second wind didn't last. Regina had gotten him started early in case she found that she had to rouse him again and again, so she dropped him off at his shop and told him not to huddle in there when he should be having lunch with his grandson. Her tone was sharp, but he saw the glint of worry hidden carefully behind the mask. He wasn't snapping back as he likely should, and that was enough to worry anyone that knew him.

He had wondered about it that morning, but now he was sure. He'd let things go. If he'd fought for his life from the moment that his curse was ripped from him, he likely would have been well and whole by now, but instead he'd given up, and even if he changed his mind now it wouldn't do any good. The price for the power of the Dark One was one's soul, and he'd wiggled around and dealt with the demon until it had given up just a corner so that he could make sure Bae remained safe from him. Now he was paying. That little piece of soul that had been saved for his son was withering without him there. Belle may have been his strength - once, at least - but Bae was his anchor to this or whatever world they were in. Without an anchor, there was nothing to hold onto. There was no home, no future. His optimistic grandson at least deserved a goodbye.

"Rumple?"

The former Dark One paused in the street, the wave of dizziness that had been creeping up on him hitting full force and he swayed. He didn't hear her move closer, but felt her hands steady him and he tried to pull away. "Won't you let me be?" he snapped. He didn't want her pity, and their last conversation had ended with her walking out and him bent over a trash can heaving up the nothing that rested in his stomach. He didn't want to pass out in the street now for all to see.

Her hand came to his cheek and she frowned. "You're still a little feverish. What are you doing up?"

"Meeting my grandson, if you must know."

A small smile touched her lips and for a brief moment he nearly let himself slip. One of her small hands was holding his arm and the other rested on his cheek. He wanted this. He wanted her, but she was gone. He'd lost her. His anchor and his strength. "Please let me go," he managed in a soft, small tone and his s clever Belle knew he didn't mean just to pass by.

Her smile flipped and her brows drew together. "Rumple, I've been thinking. I've been too... frightened and focused to ask some difficult questions that I think we both need answered. Please, I promise it won't take too long, and Henry will understand."

He wasn't sure what she was going to ask, but he found himself nodding slowly.

"I know you were afraid of what was happening that night," she said quietly and Rumplestiltskin was quite sure that a dagger in his chest would have hurt less than this conversation was about to. "What else?"

"What do you mean?" he asked. "What else is there that you expect-"

"That's it," she said quickly, and when she tilted his head she pursed her lips together firmly, as if trying to find the right words. "When you asked me to marry you - forget the dagger, forget the lies - what did you think I expected of you?"

It was a strange question, he'd give her that. "I don't know."

"Please, Rumple, this is important."

"Why?"

"Because I need to know why you couldn't trust me. No matter what's happened, there's undeniable proof that you love me, so why not give me your trust as well?"

"I told you you were giving me something I couldn't return," he whispered and he felt the street below him tilt a little. He must have swayed because she led him to one of the benches outside of Granny's. Henry was peeking out the window and motioned to him to keep going. Budding little manipulator probably set the whole damn thing up.

"You did, didn't you?" Belle asked and he turned back to her. "I just didn't listen."

"You did say that you had ignored all the signs."

"Many, of all kinds." Her blue eyes were glassy and she took his hand and squeezed. "Did you think... No, did I _make_ you think you had to be a hero, Rumple? That you had to be perfect or I'd leave?"

He snorted softly. "That's the way it went, didn't it?"

"I never meant to." The confession came as a whisper. "I just wanted-"

"To be everything," he echoed her words from that night. "I know you did."

"That's not fair to either of us, is it?"

He hadn't thought of it that way. When Bae had been young he had focused everything on keeping him safe and happy. When he lost him, he devoted his existence to finding him, and when he'd died... When he'd died Belle had been there and he'd leaned so heavily. They'd been apart so regularly that he was certain that if she saw who he really was, even once they'd married, she would leave. He was a liar and a coward. He was a demon dressed as man. He was nothing more than the dirt. "You had every right to leave," he said. "It was only a matter of time."

A sob broke free of the woman he loved. "I did. I did force that on you, didn't I? I just... I'm sorry, Rumple. I know it doesn't always seem that way, but _you're_ who I love." She pressed a hand to his chest, just over his blackened heart. "All of you. I wanted you to be better, of course, but not perfect. No one is. I didn't mean to put that on you."

"It doesn't matter anymore," he whispered. It was too late, even if he let himself hope.

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then it's not too late." She smiled through her tears.

"It is," Rumplestiltskin snapped and his throat closed and he coughed against it. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see straight, and his throat was raw from it. He found himself on his knees, slipping from the bench, and choking into his hands.

Belle knelt at his side, one arm stretched across his back and the other steadying the shoulder closer to her. She waited until his body came back under his control and her eyes focused in on the specks of blood left against the pale palm of his hand. Her eyes were frightened when he met her gaze and he cleared his throat, trying to gain a little of his dignity at least.

"You're not getting better, are you?" she whispered.

"No, and I won't."

"Does Henry know?"

"Not yet." She nodded slowly and he knew she understood. Good. "So there you have it. There's no reason to worry over me anymore. Or us."

The door to Granny's opened and Henry came bounding out. "Grandpa, you okay?"

"Yes, of course," Rumplestiltskin said and struggled to his feet.

"Good, because we have to go somewhere. Hey, Belle. You can come too."

Belle offered a smile and took Rumplestiltskin's hand and stopped him from arguing. He knew that look. She wasn't going to let him walk away now. Henry was beaming up at them like he'd just seen True Love win out, but all his grandpa could think on was how he wished he could find some way to apologize for the utter disappointment that he'd bring to him.

* * *

Henry had always believed that True Love could overcome most anything - well, he had since he started believing in it, anyway - and he saw the way that his grandpa looked at Belle. He loved her more than anything besides maybe his own son, and he'd get better as they got closer again. Henry just knew it. His plan would just kickstart him on that path.

"Where are we going now?" his grandfather asked and the teen tried for a smile. He wasn't going to like this idea, but that didn't mean it was a bad one.

"To the Sorcerer's house."

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Because he can help. I talked to him. Belle, can you drive? No one lets me drive anymore."

"That was truly one of David's and Mary Margaret's worst ideas," she sighed. "Yes, I can drive.

Henry's grandfather didn't argue any further as they piled into his cadillac and drove nearly to the town line. He was silent and looked like he felt worse now than he had when he was curled up in the blankets at Regina's house. It was okay, though. The Sorcerer could help. Henry knew that he could. He was young, not blind, and he knew that his grandpa was in a dark and terrible place. He wasn't willing to lose anyone else though. He'd gone to the sorcerer and asked for help. The man had been powerful enough to write the Book that told their stories and he'd been powerful enough to pull Rumplestiltskin's curse from him. Surely he knew what Henry's grandfather needed to live.

When they arrived, the door opened for them before they could knock. Belle had one steadying hand on Rumplestiltskin's arm as they walked inside and he was leaning into her now. "I'm sorry," he whispered so softly that his grandson almost didn't hear. "For everything."

Belle offered a sad smile as she murmured, "Me too."

"Rumplestiltskin," the Sorcerer's voice drifted into the room and the man in question tensed, his dark gaze going straight to the powerful wizard. "Or do you prefer Mr Gold here?"

"I'll answer to either," came the tight response. "My grandson brought me here, so I suspect you don't wish to finish what you started."

The Sorcerer frowned. "I have no interest in killing you, Rumplestiltskin, despite the trouble you've caused me over the years. I asked you here because young Mr Mills here is quite worried over you, and now that I've seen you, I can see why." He took a step closer and Rumplestiltskin looked as if he might shrink back. Belle turned a worried look to him and Henry smiled. It was okay. It was all going to be okay.

"Your soul survived under the Dark One's Curse. Are you aware of how this happened?"

"My son," Rumplestiltskin answered. "I took the curse for Bae. To keep him safe. I wouldn't let it hurt him, so I kept a piece of myself safe from it."

"That is… remarkable," the Sorcerer breathed. "But if that is true, taking the curse from you should not cause this kind of damage. You should have been able to fight it."

Henry watched carefully as his grandfather straightened, pulling his shoulders back and squaring them a little better. "My son is dead," he said in a tight, raspy voice. "What the hell do you expect me to fight for now?"

Belle looked a little hurt by the words, but she didn't say anything. Henry knew they'd been fighting - heck, he knew that she'd forced him over the town line just a few months before - but it was that hopelessness that was doing him the most harm. It was what was allowing the damage to be done.

"Can you help him?" Henry asked. The Sorcerer had said he though he could before, but a fear was creeping in now that he'd put too much hope in this. It eased some at the elder man's words.

"I believe I can. Come with me."

They followed the Sorcerer down the hall and into what might have once been a great hall of a castle. A door stood in the middle, just like the one Anna and Elsa had gone through, and the aged man stopped. He didn't say anything, but instead motioned towards it, and Rumplestiltskin moved slowly, his cane tapping the hard floor as he limped forward. The door opened, and as his grandson peered behind him, he could see nightime on the other side. Snow was falling and whipping around in the wind, and when he looked at his grandfather and Belle, they both seemed to recognize it.

"What is this?" Rumplestiltskin demanded.

"Do you not recognize it?"

"Of course I do. Why are you showing it to me now?"

"Because it is as I said: you no longer are under the Dark One's Curse. Dying will not send you to your son, because you will not be sent to the Vault."

"Bae… Bae is in the Vault?" Rumplestiltskin managed, eyes wide. "He can be saved?"

That was something that Henry hadn't known. The Sorcerer hadn't mentioned that. "How?"

"If you are willing to pay the price," the Sorcerer answered.

"Yes. Of course. Anything," Henry's grandfather said desperately and Belle reached to him.

"Rumple?" she whispered, her voice quaking just a little.

"This is something I must do," her husband responded softly and Henry watched them.

There was a conversation that they weren't having out loud, but whatever anger was between them had no place in that moment. Belle wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too, and for what it's worth, I _am_ sorry."

Belle was crying like she was going to lose him, and when Henry tried to move forward she caught him by the shoulders, a forced smile breaking through the tortured look. Henry tried for a smile too as the Sorcerer led his grandfather through the door and it closed behind them. "It's okay, Belle. He'll be okay. He'll save Dad and he'll start fighting. He'll be okay and you guys can fix everything." She didn't look convinced and his brows knit together. "Really, Belle. It'll be okay. You're True Love. It'll all be okay."

All she did was nod and pull him into a hug. She was afraid, but it was okay. It had to be okay.

* * *

Rumplestiltskin's expensive shoes touched the soft dirt of the Enchanted Forest. If he hadn't already been dying, he thought Belle's expression might have done him in. He had a chance to be with her. He had a chance to fix things, but how could he live with himself if he didn't take this opportunity? He'd always thought that she expected something more than he could ever give her, but that afternoon he was doing what _he_ thought was right.

"Are you certain about this?" the Sorcerer asked.

"Yes."

"Here." Rumplestiltskin looked over to where the man that had stolen his curse from him held out a strange glove. "This will keep the pain at bay."

"Thank you," he said softly and took it, dark eyes looking straight at him. "Why are you doing this?"

"You survived under one of the greatest darknesses our world has ever known, and you did so for your son. For love. If you feel you cannot go on, perhaps I can at least give your death meaning."

He was shaking now, and he didn't know if was from the stress his body had been under or if it was because he now looked death in the face once more. He'd always been a survivor, but today, today he was giving that up. He was going to do something right before it all ended.

Rumplestiltskin stepped forward, slipping the glove on as the Sorcerer had indicated, and he could feel the darkness radiating from the vault. It bit at him in a way it never had before, and while it was familiar, it was also terrifying. He pushed through it though and knelt. The key remained in the vault just as it had been left, and he reached for it and turned before he could talk himself out of it.

The burst of power made him stand, stumbling back on his bad ankle. The Sorcerer caught him and ripped the glove off, tossing it into the snow where it sizzled. They watched, neither speaking as the magic worked the mechanics of the door, sliding it open just enough that the darkness began to bubble up from it. It worked its way up slowly until it began to take shape, finally looking something like Baelfire.

Rumplestiltskin stepped forward, leaning heavily on his cane. He wanted to see him before it stole what was left of his soul away. He had to.

The darkness melted away, leaving a blurry-eyed Bae in its place. He blinked, brown eyes coming in to focus on his papa and Rumplestiltskin had to remind himself to breath.

"No," Bae whispered, the realization seeming to hit him that there was a price to be paid to allow him to stand there. "Papa, what did you do?"

Rumplestiltskin barely saw his son move as he crossed the patches of snow and ice and grabbed his free hand, turning it over to inspect it. When he found nothing, his papa barely had time to shift his weight so that he wouldn't topple as he lost his grip on his cane. He stared curiously at his smooth palms. There should have been marks, and he should have felt the pull of oncoming death by now. He didn't understand.

Bae didn't either, for the look he was receiving. He glanced past him to where the Sorcerer stood and the old wizard chuckled, pulling Rumplestiltskin's attention as well. "Forgive the theatrics," he said with a wave of his hand. "I needed to be certain, or it simply would have dragged you back under."

"Certain of what?" Bae demanded, and the question simply left his mouth before it could Rumple's.

"That your father was willing to give his life like that. No pause, no second guessing. That can get you into a lot of trouble." There was a glimmer of amusement in those coal black eyes and Rumplestiltskin couldn't decide if he was angry or elated. The Sorcerer's smile only broadened then.

Rumplestiltskin stared at him for a long moment. He didn't know why this man wanted to help him, but he had, and for the first time in his life he felt like he was receiving a legitimate second chance. He just had to fight for it. He couldn't give up.

"I'll tell you a secret I've learned over the years," the Sorcerer said, never losing that amused smile as magic swirled and he handed the former Dark One a book much like Henry's. He opened it slowly, fingers stiff against fresh pages that had never been turned. He saw images of himself, of Bae, and of Belle. There had been so much pain, so many mistakes, and so much struggle, but there had been much more than that. The pages appeared as he thought about the moments and the smiles and the rare peace he felt while with Belle in those days in Storybrooke. "Love is one of the most powerful magics in all the realms. It is _always_ worth fighting for."

Rumplestiltskin loosed a weak chuckle on a breath and looked up. "Villains don't get happy endings."

"You're the only one that can decide if you're a villain or not now. There's no curse to hide behind, only yourself."

Bae's grip on his arm tightened and Rumplestiltskin looked back. "You don't have to go at it alone," he promised softly.

Slowly, almost uncertainly, Rumplestiltskin nodded. He'd come through that door with every intention of giving his life up and bringing his son home, but as it opened again, revealing the house and his wife and grandson that didn't seem to notice the opened portal right away, he knew he had been given hope. For the first time since he'd lost his son to death and his wife to his painful insecurities, he clung to that hope with everything he had.

* * *

Belle clung to Henry, not able to bring herself to say why the tears were falling. He let her hug him, promising her everything was going to be okay again and again as if he were trying to convince them both, but she knew better. Rumple had given up, and if he had a chance to use his last breath to save his son, she had no question in her heart that he would do it. He'd already done it once before.

The door opened and she couldn't bear to look. Her husband was dead and there was so very much that hadn't been said. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she had found hope that they could find that place meet in the middle as Archie had said. She'd wanted to more than anything. She had wanted to learn with him and more about him, and to try to come together. They could have beaten anything that life through at them if they fought it as one.

"Dad!" Henry cheered and her arms were suddenly void of teenager. He launched himself at Bae who was grinning ear to ear.

"Hey, buddy," he greeted and pulled him fully into his arms, kissing the top of his head and holding his son like he'd never let him go.

Belle's tear filled eyes focused on Rumple then. He stood just behind his son, still looking worn and ragged, but there was a light in his eyes that had been missing and he was smiling at the scene. She hadn't decided to cross the space between them when she found herself wrapping her arms around his neck, the momentum nearly taking them both to the floor. She held on, feeling his breath tickle her ear, and he buried his free hand in her hair.

"How?" she whispered after a moment.

"I fear I may not have been entirely straightforward with your husband," the Sorcerer answered. "For this to work, the sacrifice needed to be true. I had him wear a glove infused with the curse I pulled from him. It is trapped in his place."

She turned back to her love. "Are you-?"

"I'll fight it," he whispered. "I promise."

There were no requirements, no _if you take me back_ to his statement. It was simply a promise and she tightened her grip on him. "Come home?" she found herself whispering.

Rumple pulled back, dark eyes focused on her. "You sure?"

"Yes. I can't promise… I _know_ that things won't be perfect right away - or ever, really - but we can't work on these things when you're not there. We have to face them. Together."

A tired smile tugged his lips. "Together," he agreed.

They would get a second chance in this, but they had to take it and they had to use it. Belle knew that it wouldn't be easy, but fighting for True Love never was. They might have come from a world that the Land Without Magic viewed as a fairytale world, but they fought just as hard, hurt just as badly, and made just as many mistakes as anyone from this world did. Magic didn't change that, nor, she thought as she felt her husband's arm around her and glanced over to see Bae grinning at them, did it always hurt. Using it and deciding _how_ to use it was simply another choice among so many. Archie had been right. Rumplestiltskin had struggled under his curse and often made wrong decisions, and she didn't dare think that would suddenly change now that it was broke, but they could start working together to make the right ones. Their love was worth fighting for.

* * *

Hope was a difficult thing for Rumplestiltskin to get used to. If he were honest, it was because it frightened him. Every time he found it in himself to hope just a little in something it would manage to blow up in his face, leaving him worse than he'd started. As he blinked his eyes slowly open and Belle's sleeping face came into focus he felt the first tug of hope that he'd allowed himself to feel in quite some time. Now he had the freedom to make a choice, unhampered by a curse. That still frightened him, but that feeling of hope was fighting to overcome the fear.

Belle stirred next to him and a smile tugged his thin lips as her eyes fluttered open. "Hey," she whispered. "How're you feeling?"

"Better," he answered, his voice raspy. "The sleep's helping."

"Knowing your son is a few rooms down probably doesn't hurt either," she teased and that pulled a smile from him. He was fairly certain he would continue to need outside reminders that his son was indeed alive for some time to come, and Belle's only confirmed that everything hadn't been a dream.

"No, it most certainly doesn't," he murmured and loosed a long breath. "It's good to be home too."

"I've missed you," his wife admitted softly. "I tried very hard not to, but I did. I… This isn't going to be easy, is it, Rumple?"

"No, I shouldn't think that it will be." He watched her carefully, the moonlight casting strange shadows in the room that covered parts of her face. It had been so long since he hadn't had that little voice in his mind prodding him in one direction and whispering warnings of deception and betrayal. The curse had never liked Belle. Not really. It had seen her as a threat, but now it was gone and he could really try to do what was right by her. "Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy."

That pulled a smile from her and she leaned forward to kiss the tip of his nose. He smiled and watched her shift, the palm of her hand coming to the side of his face and down to his neck. "You're a little cooler now, at least. Maybe the worst is over." Her blue gaze flickered to meet his. "I want to make a deal with you, Rumplestiltskin."

"Okay? And what deal would that be?"

"I want us to be honest with each other. Brutally so, if we need to be. If you feel that I am… asking something of you that you can't do or can't be… Tell me."

"I want to be better for you, Belle," he promised quickly.

"I want you to be better for _you_ , Rumple. That's the only way this can work. If you're trying to be better for me, every time that you don't live up to it you'll go back to what you've done before. You'll lie and try to make it look like everything's okay. The hole just gets dug deeper and deeper and, before either of us realize it, things have spiraled out of control."

"You've been talking to Dr Hopper, haven't you?" he asked her in a slightly teasing tone.

"I didn't know what to do," his wife confessed softly, almost as if she were afraid he'd be cross. "You hide behind so many walls, Rumple, and sometimes it's hard to know how to handle that."

He pulled in a deep breath, carefully keeping his expression calm. She wasn't wrong. "You asked me the other day how it all began," he said after a moment. "They were trying to take Bae away. They wanted to send him to war at fourteen. I was desperate to find a way to save him so I followed the advice of a man that I thought was an old beggar to steal a dagger and kill the Dark One for his powers. Turns out he was the Dark One and I made a deal that I didn't fully understand."

Belle watched him carefully for a moment, looking as if she were soaking all the information in. "You took it on to save him," she repeated slowly. "You said that was why you were allowed to keep a piece of yourself? Why the curse didn't completely destroy you?"

"I believe so." He shifted so that he could meet her eyes easier. "This isn't going to be easy. Losing my curse won't make me the man I was before. I've had lifetimes to grow and evolve, and, to be honest, I wouldn't want to be that man. That man was terrified of everything. He had nothing and no way to save anyone that he loved. He was…"

"Powerless," Belle answered for him and he nodded hesitantly. "I see."

"That's why."

She propped herself up on her elbows so that she was looking down at him, those clear eyes cutting through the shadowy room. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being honest with me. For trusting me."

"It's difficult for me to trust, Belle. I've let people in before and it's ended very poorly. I do trust you, but-"

"But three hundred years of tough lessons are hard to break."

"Yes."

"I want to know everything, Rumple. Not all tonight, obviously, but the more I know the more I can try to understand. I never knew that about Bae. I can't imagine how terrible it would have been like to have your son stolen away from you."

"It was."

"Will you tell me? Bit by bit?"

"I've done horrible things, Belle," he managed, and even without the curse he could feel the fear rising in him. She would leave him again. She would hate him.

"I know, but I've always known. I want to know all of you, Rumple."

"I'll try," he said after a long moment of silence and she smiled, leaning down to kiss him.

"And I'll do my best to be patient," she promised. "We're in this together, after all." Her smile broadened. "Forever."

He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close and she snuggled in. "Forever," he answered softly and kissed her hair.

"What about the magic, Rumple?" she whispered into his chest.

"What about it?"

"Without your curse, will you still be able to use it? I saw you push both the Sorcerer and Regina back with it, but-"

"I still have access to it. I've been studying for many years." He pulled back a little so that he could look her in the eye. "It will take some getting used to."

"I don't know how I feel about it," Belle said honestly. "I suppose I have a hard time telling the difference between your magic and the curse."

"That's fair. Until very recently there was no difference, but this won't turn the tide, dear. Like the Sorcerer said this afternoon… It's up to me now. No magic can fix what is wrong here. This is between the two of us."

The smile she gave him could have lit the whole room and she pressed her lips against his. "Thank you."

Rumplestiltskin blinked. "For what?" he managed through a breathless chuckle.

She snorted and kissed him again. He never got his answer as she snuggled down under the quilts with him, cheek pressed against his chest and an arm wrapped around his waist. There were promises unspoken between them. Promises to do better and promises to try to understand one another. They were different, they knew, but that didn't mean that they couldn't work to understand where the other was coming from. He loved her, and that, he now promised himself, would be enough.

* * *

**End.**

Notes: So, I was talking to another writer while working on this one and I told her that I felt like bringing Bae back was kind of a fix-it for me, and then I came to the conclusion that I didn't care. I wanted a happy ending for Rumple and Belle, dammit. I know that the show would never take this route, but he's been taught again and again that doing the right thing only brings him more pain and suffering in the loss of those that he loves, so I wanted to have him receive something just this once.

Hope that you liked it! Please let me know :)

 


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